Wednesday, August 26, 2015

I thought he was the one...

But He turned out to be a sociopath.

This happened few years ago, I met this guy who i thought was the one. 
To me he was almost perfect and i overlooked his baggage. I was not even sure why. 
They said love defies everything, including logic. I guess it was true in this case.

He never hurt me physically, but he did hurt me emotionally. BADLY. 
few sessions to see psychologist and psychiatrist later, i was on the mend, with medication,
Just to get over this guy. he fucked up my mind badly. Why?

Did I just hurt myself by falling in love with the wrong guy? why i always attract these kind of guys?
He was a loser, a total loser that i loved. I still cared about him though, i still can't help myself.

But yeah I get that he's no good, but being with him was like a drug. 

We looked good together, our conversation always flowed, he got me and i understood him. 
We shared the same passion, I felt like we were twins, and i thought that i found a soulmate. 

We knew we couldn't be together because he was moving but i opted to continue seeing him. 
It was a great few months, then he left. 

We continued to talk to each other everyday, my heart always pounding everytime i received his message. I felt content, there was someone out there who cared about me. 

I visited him, It was the beginning of a disaster, he came clean to me that he was seeing someone else. "just to fill the gap" he said, i was upset. then he got upset too. We hurt each other many times after, including one big confrontation, long passive aggressive emails bounced back and forth. 

I was exhausted.

On the final blow. I received a phonecall from his best friend. Telling me about everything, why he left, and why he was unstable. well shit got cleared, he was a psychopath. A social butterfly, a user. He left too many problems behind that he couldn't go back. Problems includes debts, feud with family members with physical violence, and many more. 

He was in love with me because i admired him, his good looks, his charm, and I adored him. But also because i was there. I was convenient. 

I remained friends with him but it got tough When i saw him again and i've moved on. He accused me of being obsessed with him. though i had truly moved on and thought of him as a friend only. 
He said hurtful things to me, it made me angry so i cut him off completely. Obviously He was furious at me because i didn't feel the same way was as before. 

It was the second time i got hurt, it hit me badly. 
Maybe it's true, you can't tied up your soulmate as partner. It's too painful.

The pain is gone now, but only the scar left behind. 
And i thought he was the one, maybe he was. but now I'm looking for another one. 
The one who wouldn't hurt me as bad. 



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